Day Fifteen: Nothing Much ("Hmmm")

I realized I mispelled Day in my last post. Hmm. Some writer I am.
I am pretty proud of the scenes I wrote though. The first one was kinda bullshit but it was a good warmup. But my second and third I loved. I played with language, vocabulary, the whole shebang. And I was even complimented by some of my compatriots. It was nice.

Fay Fourteen: A New Beginning... Literally ("Holy Shit, We Got Somewhere")

It was a heated day today. There were arguments and everything. And in the end I actually feel like we got somewhere. Have to write some scenes tomorrow. Gonna have to take off work since I'll have Eastern State at night.

Day Thirteen: I've Begun To Drift ("La De Da...")

I find myself drifting more and more at the writer's table. I honestly have no more to say that I haven't already. It's just... circles... she's spinning me round in circles... that silly blonde girl... something about the ages...

Day Twelve: The Order Of The Pheonix ("I Love That We're Calling It That")

Remember I said I was sending out an email to see if people wanted to work in specific groups? No one answered that question. Instead my email seemed to spur people onto another topic. It seemed to drive people to really want to dog into this project and begin writing scenes and scripts for the show. It has even been likened to an underground movement. One person began referring to it as The Order Of The Pheonix. We'll see just how much magic we can create together.

Day Eleven: I'm Beginning To Lose Myself ("So Confuzzled")

The discussions about characters and plots are legitimately starting to confuse me. There are just too many ideas and issues that we keep piling up. So... much... confusion. So I have decided to bite the bullet and send out another group email. This one is really just about working together in groups. It'll be interesting to see how it goes.

Day Ten: Yet More Hashing ("My Head A'Splode")

I don't want to hash out any more details about the characters, especially Joe or Eric. We are spending every single moment in class throwing out ideas and I feel we're not actually getting anywhere. More and more ideas keep piling up but we aren't climbing the ideas to anywhere new. We just keep sitting there, letting the ideas bury us alive. There are so many things I'd like to do. I'd like to find some sort of direction as to where this plot is going, where is our main character, fuck, I don't even feel like I really know who the character is. And no one can decide on anything. People either want to make him too boring or so damn drug ridden he can't move. Or they want to make him Gregory House. I just want something. Are we focusing on Joe or the community? What event propels our plot? What the fuck is our plot? In the end, it's just so... Yeah, there's a reason I go...
On another note, I am now officially nervous about the groups we will split into. Norm has said they're gona be random picks but I feel, and I know others have as well, that we have already begun to form groups and "alliances" in this cohort. Not that we're competing, but we know some better than others and I've always felt it's best to get along with the people you write with. Sure, every now and then we all have to deal with someone we don't want to, but I don't think real head writers choose people they can't get along with. I know that Russel T. Davies and Joss Whedon both had assistant head writers that they were, and still are, great friends with. I want to be comfortable with who I write with and not spend the entire fucking time arguing. If I could choose... I would list my top picks but that could possibly be mean. Frankly, you probably know who you are.
I considered sending out another group email (cause it went so well last time) and asking people if they would rather go with the luck of the draw or if they'd rather choose who they work with. Maybe I'll put it to a vote. It might come off better that way. I just want to take some initiative. It's who I am.
On a lighter note, I got free food. They had catering for Mr. Popper's Penguins, which I am clearly not working on, and they just had this gran buffet of fruits, salads, meats, and delicious entrees. Being me, I hoisted up my cahones and acted like I belonged and I cam away with some damn fine food. I was even commended on being a "gangsta", or possibly gangster, by Addie. Tru dat!

Day Nine: The Redundancy Of Repetition ("Really?")

The email idea went bad. Even though people in class told me it was a good idea and one person actually tried beginning to post, one person started talking about how they didn't think it was fair and how they thought we were leaving out Norman and I think it scared everyone off. It stunk cause I really think we might have been able to begin getting somewhere.
We have gotten to a very... frustrating portion of the writing process. We're supposed to be making decisions on the show and characters and plot but it seems like all we're really doing is throwing out ideas but not pursuing any of them. It's.... I dunno.
I've also noticed that Norman has this amazing ability to shoot down ideas he doesn't like without seeming it. He's good.

Day Eight: So Many Ideas ("I'm Scared")

I have begun taking on a whole fucking lot. And I love it.
I am trying to meet Seamus' challenge and finish a short sci fi story that I actually love. I have begun working with my colleague Josh Novo on a short horror script. (We're both horror nuts.) I have also begun taking steps to creating an online comic. Strangely enough, people are actually excited about it. Also, totally still trying to master my own TV scripts. I think I'm getting closer. To being a good writer. Seriously.
I've also been working with Angel and Amber on our presentation which is on Feminism and Comedy. It's nuts. There is quite some heat between Amber and Angel. I think they were actually fighting when we did a trial run today. Except fighting is putting it nicely. Amber had so much fire and was so in charge, she is really admirable. Angel was very quiet and meek. I don't know if it was because he didn't believe what he was saying and had trouble arguing for it or because he did believe in what he was saying and was just afraid of Amber. I'd be too.
They read my scene today. I'm not quite sure how it actually went over. In my scene I killed off a main character and found some things I didn't follow up on. That I regretted writing. Or not writing. I just... I don't know how it went. I'm afraid I upset Norman by killing off one of his characters. Not because I didn't like the character but because I knew his death would be a great emotional catalyst. And some people seemed to like the death scene. I do agree that I didn't take my characters grief far enough. I tried taking a different route with grief and I think it was scene as stupid. I am really afraid that Norman doesn't respect my writing. I don't think anyone respects my writing. I am so afraid that I am fulfilling my usual role, the goofy fucking ginger. I want so bad to be taken seriously. I don't mind arguing or people not liking my ideas but I don't want to be the joke. People are already making fun of me for being a character murderer and thinking too big. I just figure if I go big it's easier to reign me in then try and get me to go bigger when I didn't go far enough, like in my scene.
I don't really know what to do.
We hashed some more things out, got closer to the heart of the show, but then we had to go. I took another large risk and tried something. I sent out an email where people could share more ideas about the show. I think it might help us figure stuff out and I love talking about this shit. I do.
I am taking a lot of risks here. I hope it pays off.

Day Seven: So Much Hashing ("A Fine Piece")

What a great way to start the day. As I was coming in on the bus I got an email from Bernie. He commended on the writing of my piece. It just made me feel good. Let me know that my writing is worthy of this program and that maybe I do belong. It... made me smile.
We read more scenes today. I love seeing what people see.
We also continued the hashing out process. It is insane. I have so many ideas. I'm afraid, though. I am so legitimately afraid that people won't take me serious. I think I have good ideas but what if they're stupid. What if no one respects me or my ideas? I just... I'm so fucking nervous. And I don't want to be the joke, this time. I just don't.
I met more awesome people on the bus today, too. A theatre manager (hard life) and a fashion manager (I know). We actually spent the entire bus trip chatting about the world. Society. Technology. I meet the coolest people on the bus. I'm starting to get ideas.

Day Six: Hashing It Out ("Good Night, And Good Luck")

The weekend was absolutely crazy. My sisters came over. My first weekend at Eastern State. Crazy. I didn't think I was gonna be able to finish my paper on Edward R. Murrow. But I did. A good paper too. I know that it didn't have to be the best writing but I plan on doing my absolute best writing in every aspect of this program. This is my dream. I would be stupid not to work my hardest.
It was kind of ironic, my paper, because we ended up watching Good Night, And Good Luck at the studio. So good. I love that movie and learning about Edward R. Murrow was such an amazing man. An amazing speaker more than anything.
We also continued reading our scenes in class. Mine still hasn't gone. I'm kinda scared for it to go. I don't entirely know why.
We also began finally hashing out the show today. Talking about characters and openers and bouncing ideas off of Norman and stuff. It is so hard for me to be silent and still. I am just so unbelievably passionate and ready to write and create. And every idea I have only shifts and evolves when I hear others' ideas. I love it! But I should try to calm down before I have an anneurism. I just want so much to share my ideas. I'll just keep doing my best.